Stop Viewing Daughters and Women as Property

This is Mia Khalifa. She's a 21 year old woman. She's very attractive. She's Lebanese. She's estranged from her family. Why? Because she's a porn star, and they don't like it. Now, most people don't really encourage their children to be porn stars. I get that. I also get that a 21 year old woman can decide for herself if she wants that job, and really the decision is totally her's. That she decides to do so isn't her family's call. They don't have to accept or like her decision, that is true. Let's not all rush to condemn her though for her decision- there are literally millions, if not billions, of people watching porn around the world, some of them plenty faithful to their religions, families, and jobs the rest of the time. She made her decision, it is what it is.

Her family isn't so happy though:

Khalifa is PornHub's highest-ranked adult star. But she is also Lebanese-born -- and her chosen line of work has not only disappointed her parents but generated huge controversy in her native country.

The debate has gained such a head of steam that some Arab news outlets published a family statement this week condemning Khalifa's actions and expressing the family's regret about her fame as a porn star.

She is also criticized for her tattoo, in Arabic, of the opening lines of the Lebanese National Anthem.

"We are probably paying the price of living away from our homeland; our kids had to adapt to societies that don't resemble our culture, traditions and values," the family statement said. 

"Hence, we emphasize that we disassociate ourselves from her actions which do not reflect her family beliefs, her upbringing or her true Lebanese roots. We hope that she comes back to her senses as her image does not honor her family or her homeland -- Lebanon."

According to the statement, Khalifa, born in 1993, moved with her family to the United States in 2000. They left behind them one of the more liberal countries in the Middle East but one where religion plays a central, sometimes divisive, role in daily life and many are deeply socially conservative.

Having turned 18, Khalifa left home, the statement says, "as is common in the West. She married an American guy in February 2011 and is currently living with him in Florida. Mia has since lost contact with her family."

I get it, I guess. They are embarrassed by this, because it's socially unacceptable in their circles. The key there is "their." Not her's. She is a living, breathing human in her own right. She can make her own choices, and there is really no need for them to "disown" her here. In fact, that's part of the problem.

When a child reaches adulthood, parents really don't "own" them anymore. Their responsibility in the eyes of society stops. This is just as true for women as it is for men. Obviously parents are as free to help their grown children as they wish, but the ownership is done. The child can make their own choices. This might be more important with women, whom have long lived in a misogynist world that thinks they are incapable on their own. Failure to let them live free of some form of moral ownership can lead to horrible results.

I don't know this girl's family, so I can't say they'd do anything horrible. I do know that every day in our world, women are disowned, physically harmed, and sometimes killed for violating the "expectations" of their family. I know that they are harmed for being a rape victim, or marrying someone they weren't supposed to, or for committing some "out of wedlock" activities that their sons are perfectly free to do. None of this is okay. Your daughters are not your "property." They cannot "harm your honor." We need to stop accepting this as a legitimate position to keep within our society. While I can understand the disappointment of Khalifa's family in her career choice, I don't accept their public reaction to it. We need to stop subjugating girls.